{"id":790,"date":"2012-01-05T09:39:01","date_gmt":"2012-01-05T09:39:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/?p=790"},"modified":"2021-08-11T16:27:58","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T16:27:58","slug":"kiskanclik-yasam-kocu-inci-aktas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/kiskanclik-yasam-kocu-inci-aktas\/","title":{"rendered":"K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k – Ya\u015fam Ko\u00e7u \u0130nci AKTA\u015e"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Daha \u00f6nceki yaz\u0131lar\u0131mda, de\u011fi\u015fim, kararlar ve bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmenin hayat\u0131m\u0131zda yapaca\u011f\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck de\u011fi\u015fimlerden bahsetmi\u015ftim. Bug\u00fcn ise farkl\u0131 bir konuya de\u011finmek istiyorum. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k: insan\u0131n ruhunu saran, beynini y\u00f6netmesine engel olan ve bir s\u00fcre sonra kendinin ve s\u00f6zde sevdiklerinin hayat\u0131n\u0131 cehenneme \u00e7eviren duygu. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k asl\u0131nda insan\u0131n ba\u015fkalar\u0131 \u00fczerinde hakimiyet kurma arzusudur. Asl\u0131nda bu yaz\u0131da bahsetmek istedi\u011fim bir ki\u015finin di\u011fer bir ki\u015fide olup kendisinde olmayan\u0131 k\u0131skanmas\u0131 de\u011fil sevdi\u011fini k\u0131skanmas\u0131, bir duygusal birliktelik ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 sevgilisini ya da sevdi\u011fi di\u011fer bir insan\u0131 k\u0131skanmas\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bazen bir ki\u015fi sevgilisi ya da e\u015fini, ki ben burada sevdi\u011fi olarak bahsedece\u011fim, o kadar k\u0131skan\u0131r ki insan, kar\u015f\u0131 taraf onun bu hastal\u0131kl\u0131 tavr\u0131n\u0131 kan\u0131tlamaya giri\u015fir. Sevdi\u011finizin eve ge\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, saatin ilerledi\u011fini ama hala gelmedi\u011fini, haber de vermedi\u011fini ve herhangi bir \u015fekilde ula\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 farz edelim. K\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi hemen felaket senaryolar\u0131 \u00fcretmeye ba\u015flayacakt\u0131r. Sevdi\u011finin onu art\u0131k \u00f6nemsemedi\u011fini, de\u011fer vermedi\u011fini, bir haber bile vermeye lay\u0131k olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve hatta en k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc ba\u015fka biriyle kendisini aldatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kurgulamaya ba\u015flar.<\/p>\n

Farzedelim ki biz k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k edip bu senaryolar\u0131 kurarken biri arad\u0131 ve sevdi\u011fimizin ba\u015f\u0131na k\u00f6t\u00fc bir kaza geldi\u011fini hastanede \u00f6l\u00fcmle pen\u00e7ele\u015fti\u011fini bildirdi. \u0130\u015fte as\u0131l sorunumuz budur. Biz ula\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ki\u015fi hakk\u0131nda felaket senaryolar\u0131 \u00fcretirken as\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemiz gerekenin onun sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve eve d\u00f6n\u00fcp d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fi olu\u015funu unutmu\u015fuzdur. \u0130\u015fte k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015finin en \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc tuzak budur. Haber alamamak, hakimiyet kuramad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in akl\u0131na gelen en k\u00f6t\u00fc seneryolar\u0131 ger\u00e7ekmi\u015f gibi can\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131kmak ve en \u00e7ok \u00f6nemsemesi gereken \u015feyi \u00f6nemsememek. Bazen sevdi\u011finin onu aldatmas\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek yerine \u00f6lmesini tercih eder k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi. Evet kula\u011fa korkun\u00e7 geliyor de\u011fil mi?<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn birisi bana, ‘Beni aldataca\u011f\u0131na \u00f6lseydi.’ demi\u015fti. ‘En az\u0131ndan g\u00f6z\u00fcmde hep ayn\u0131 iyi, temiz ve d\u00fcr\u00fcst ki\u015fi olarak kal\u0131rd\u0131…’<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n bu sisli perdesini aralamak, zihinde yarat\u0131lan ama gelecek zamanda ge\u00e7mi\u015fte sanki ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015f gibi bahsedilen bu olaylardan ka\u00e7\u0131nmak elbette ki kolay de\u011fildir. En k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc de ruhumuzu zehirleyen ve \u00e7ar\u00e7abuk \u00f6ld\u00fcrmeyen, yava\u015f yava\u015f ac\u0131 \u00e7ektirerek insan\u0131n i\u00e7ini yiyip bitiren bu zehrin haz\u0131r bir panzehiri yoktur. Kurtulmak i\u00e7in tek se\u00e7enek vard\u0131r. Kabullenmek.<\/p>\n

\u00d6rnek olay\u0131m\u0131za geri d\u00f6nelim. K\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi sevdi\u011fi, eve ge\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131nda kurdu\u011fu felaket senaryolar\u0131 i\u00e7inde debelenirken gelen o can yak\u0131c\u0131 telefon onu uyand\u0131r\u0131r. Sevdi\u011finin bundan sonra yan\u0131nda olup olamayaca\u011f\u0131ndan art\u0131k ku\u015fku duydu\u011fu anda k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k yerini dayan\u0131lmaz bir vicdan azab\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131r. Peki senaryonun ba\u015fka bir versiyonunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnelim. Diyelim ki sevdi\u011finiz eve gece ge\u00e7 saatte geldi. Kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7ald\u0131 ve a\u00e7t\u0131n\u0131z. Onu sa\u011f sa\u011flim kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz anda ne yapars\u0131n\u0131z? Normal bir insan o gelene kadar meraklanm\u0131\u015f, ula\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inde sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u015f\u00fcphe duydu\u011fu i\u00e7in, onu kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00f6r\u00fcnce boynuna sar\u0131l\u0131p ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131na \u015f\u00fckredecektir elbette. Hem de hi\u00e7bir a\u00e7\u0131klama beklemeden. Ama k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi onu kap\u0131da g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde bir saniyelik bir rahatlama dalgas\u0131 hissedecek daha sonraki dakikalarda muhtemelen sevdi\u011finin can\u0131na okuyacakt\u0131r. Her iki durumda da sevdi\u011finizin sizi aldatma ihtimali elbette ki vard\u0131r. Ama e\u011fer kurulan felaket senaryolar\u0131 sadece bir ku\u015fkudan ibaretse bekleyin ve g\u00f6r\u00fcn. Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenizi kan\u0131tlamak i\u00e7in elinden geleni yapacakt\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu durum kar\u015f\u0131daki ki\u015fi i\u00e7in de son derece a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lay\u0131c\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Daha \u00f6ncede belirtti\u011fim gibi k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n bilinen bir panzehiri yok. Ama kurtulmak olas\u0131. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n hakimiyet kurma arzusunun doyurulmamas\u0131ndan ileri geldi\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftik. Bu histen kurtulman\u0131n yolu onu kabul etmekten ge\u00e7er. Ki\u015fi \u00f6nce oturup ge\u00e7mi\u015finde neler ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n pe\u015fine d\u00fc\u015fmelidir. Belki ge\u00e7mi\u015fin perdesini aralamak, hi\u00e7 g\u00fcn y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f, s\u00fcrekli ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve korkulmu\u015f ger\u00e7eklerle y\u00fczle\u015fmek ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta zor gelebilir. Ama bu duygunun kayna\u011f\u0131 belirlenip, batakl\u0131k kurutuldu\u011funda \u00f6d\u00fcl\u00fc sevgi olacakt\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ge\u00e7mi\u015fin perdesini aralamak, tabiri caizse insan\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funa inmesinin \u00f6nemi, insanlar\u0131n sahip oldu\u011fu genel yarg\u0131lar\u0131n 6-7 ya\u015f\u0131na kadar \u015fekilleniyor olmas\u0131ndand\u0131r. Bu ya\u015flarda annesi taraf\u0131ndan terk edilen, annesi, babas\u0131 taraf\u0131ndan aldat\u0131lan ya da babas\u0131 annesi taraf\u0131ndan aldat\u0131lan, anne ve babas\u0131 di\u011fer karde\u015flerini kendisinden \u00fcst\u00fcn tutan- ve daha bir \u00e7ok \u00f6rnek say\u0131labilir- bir \u00e7ocuk bu durum kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda genel yarg\u0131lar \u00fcretir ve bunu hayat\u0131n her alan\u0131nda k\u0131sa yol olarak kullan\u0131r. Herhangi bir konuda uzun uzun d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp mant\u0131kl\u0131 kararlar almak yerine daha \u00f6nce \u00f6\u011frenilmi\u015f genel yarg\u0131lara ba\u015fvurmak ya da toplum taraf\u0131ndan genel kabul g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f davran\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imlerine bakarak karar vermek g\u00fcnl\u00fck kararlar\u0131m\u0131zda bize kolayl\u0131k sa\u011flar ve karar karma\u015fas\u0131nda bo\u011fulmam\u0131z\u0131 engeller. Ancak hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 olumsuz anlamda etkilemi\u015f baz\u0131 genel yarg\u0131lar hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n geri kalan k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 da mahvetmek i\u00e7in birebirdir.<\/p>\n

Sonu\u00e7 olarak k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi pek nadirde olsa bu hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n fark\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ilk yapmas\u0131 gereken bir uzmandan yard\u0131m almak olabilir. Ancak her zaman bu gerekli de\u011fildir. Biz insanlar\u0131 hayvanlardan ay\u0131ran d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fczse neden onu kendimizi geli\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in kullanm\u0131yoruz. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k insana zaman i\u00e7inde tarifi m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmayan yaralar a\u00e7ar. Bunu yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 fark etti\u011fimiz anda durup d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeli, kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ara\u015ft\u0131rmal\u0131 ve \u00fcst\u00fcne gitmeliyiz. Belki bir genellemeden kurtularak, belki bir yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lmay\u0131 d\u00fczelterek, belki a\u00e7\u0131k bir ileti\u015fim ile \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmeyecek bir sorun de\u011fildir. Mutluluk i\u00e7inde gereklidir. Shakespeare\u2019nin de dedi\u011fi gibi; \u2018 Kendi kendini d\u00f6lleyip do\u011furan bir canavard\u0131r k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k.\u2019 \u00d6yleyse bu canavar yok edilmelidir\u2026<\/p>\n

Sevgiyle Kal\u0131n,<\/p>\n

\u0130nci AKTA\u015e-Ya\u015fam Ko\u00e7u ve Nlp Uzman\u0131<\/p>\n

(0224)2434314<\/p>\n

Online E\u011fitimlere kay\u0131t i\u00e7in; www.plenahuman.com<\/a> internet sitemizi ziyaret edebilirsiniz. T\u00fcm online e\u011fitimler<\/a>i<\/em>mize sitemizden ula\u015fabilirsiniz.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Daha \u00f6nceki yaz\u0131lar\u0131mda, de\u011fi\u015fim, kararlar ve bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmenin hayat\u0131m\u0131zda yapaca\u011f\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck de\u011fi\u015fimlerden bahsetmi\u015ftim. Bug\u00fcn ise farkl\u0131 bir konuya de\u011finmek istiyorum. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k: insan\u0131n ruhunu saran, beynini y\u00f6netmesine engel olan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[180,18,214,213],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=790"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4548,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790\/revisions\/4548"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akademiplena.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}